Snowy Lake Tahoe

Bundled up and loving it.

Should I walk...

or sled?

Cousins!

Just plain cute.

We spent a night with my family while they vacationed in Lake Tahoe and Jasmine got to see REAL snow after Mother Nature accommodated and sent a 4 foot snow fall prior to our arrival. The day was beautiful with glorious blue sky and mild temperatures. Jasmine loved riding down the hill in the sled and laughed on the way down but for some reason she did not like the ride back up the hill. So after a few runs, Mama got a little tired of pulling the sled with a crying baby or carrying a heavy baby back up the hill. Jasmine, our outdoor lover, had a blast and loved plodding around in the snow. And what I love about outdoor play is how easy it is to put a toddler down for a nap! Thanks, Uncle Larry and Aunt Kiki, for a wonderful weekend and inviting us to join you.

Christmas day

Jasmine didn't think much of sitting on the horse to ride the merry-go-round, but she didn't mind having me hold her so she could watch her cousins.

Jasmine bundled up, taking it all in at the Christmas in the park in downtown San Jose.

In her dress with Gwennie.

I wasn't able to get a lot of pictures since things happened so fast. We spent a low-key holiday with family and came back home within a day. The long drive to the Bay area can be hard on a toddler who'd rather be playing and running around. Who can blame her? Next year I think I'll drive down at night so she can sleep in the car!

Almost Christmas

Another hat option, although I haven't had any nibbles on my offer to make someone's baby a hat. This is the girly lace cap and there is a special baby out there who has one in the works...
I haven't done much in the way of Christmas this year. I'm still working and don't have much energy to fight the crowds. We did get a tree for the first time in 8 years so I guess we're expanding our horizons a little. Typically, we spend a lot of time outdoors running in the cold and rain, going on long hikes and cuddling up by our wood-burning stove. Throw in a bottle or two of Zin and we're content. But times have changed and our baby makes us think of times past, our own childhoods and traditions, so without any reluctance we are changing our rituals. I decided not to bake much this year--after all, Jasmine is only 16 months old and hardly eats anything sweet. She loves fresh baked butternut squash muffins and banana bread and the occasional cookie or freshly baked Kuglof is yummy but anything else coming out of our oven will go straight into the mouths of grown-ups, who no longer have the luxury of running 20 miles on a Saturday morning. Unfortunately, we can still eat as if we do so in the interest of keeping our waistlines in check, I've kept things pretty low-key. Next year, I vow to bake into the wee hours of the night and make our holiday season magical.

Hat, anyone?

Heading out for an afternoon run in the cold drizzle. Jasmine is modeling her new "helmut" hat.

Jasmine really would prefer to take herself for a walk.
Loaded up and ready to go, and actual footage of Shane going for a family run. I love it when he joins us because he gets to push the stroller up and down the steep hills of our neighborhood.

With the cold weather hunkering in, I've been knitting and making soups, muffins and cookies. This is a good time of year for indoor fun. So, in the spirit of giving, I'm offering a hand-made hat to any parent out there who has a little one and would like a one-of-a-kind hat. You can choose your own color and special request a style. Feel free to browse some of Jasmine's collection and if there's one you like, I'll make it and mail it to you. This offer especially goes out to blogging friends, some whom I don't know exist, but may have a beautiful child at home like us. Every child deserves a hand-made hat. I'll continue to post photos of new designs (one is coming tomorrow!) and Jasmine has agreed to model them for me. Get your orders in, and don't be shy! A child's hat takes me 2 nights, and there's only so many hats a certain 16 month can sport. Happy holidays to everyone and a very happy Hanukkah to my family back east.

How do I say this?

This is a tough post for me to write and there are no pictures associated with it. Our sweet little girl, having to go through so much. Yesterday was another long day for Jasmine as she innocently followed us into Kaiser to entertain everyone there. She KNOWS we are in a medical facility yet she is so cheerful and gregarious. She does not have social anxiety. Her new thing is waving to every single person she sees. While sitting in the waiting room, she waves to everyone and if they engage with her she will start nodding at them with approval. People always complain when we are called back that their entertainment is gone. She is really a big charmer.

Jasmine had 3 imaging tests done yesterday: a cat scan, EKG and an MRI. This was not the original plan but the stars lined up and the need to see details was there. In fact, her EKG was only ordered a few hours before our arrival and the MRI was done because of what the EKG showed AND because there was a spot available for her. Otherwise we would have had to go back and put her under again. As we were waiting for her EKG to be finished, a cardiologist was called in to assist and from that point on, our path has been redirected. While we are still waiting for her MRI to be reviewed, it does appear that Jasmine might have a rare condition that will require surgery to correct her airway constriction. This is not associated with her cleft palate but if this is the case (which we believe it is) the corrective surgery trumps any palate surgery. As the cardiologist says, the heart comes first. I may be using a little poetic license in how I write that, but metaphorically it is also true. If all of this heads in the direction that we think it is going, we'll be spending time in San Francisco for surgery with a pediatric thoracic-cardiologist.

Shane and I are still in shock about this but we are coping as best we can. Our poor little girl was so tired last night when we came home, she could hardly walk and taking a bath was almost a chore for her. She sat forlornly in the tub, trying to have interest in her usual toys but her heart wasn't in it. We cried only after she went to sleep, and not for ourselves. If there's one thing I'm learning about having a baby with medical conditions, there is no room for self-pity. It's thinking about her and what she has to go through and the fact that I can't soften that blow for her, that's when the heart starts to ache. Needless to say, at this point her palate surgery is postponed for what may be a few months.

Knitting

Some of Mama's handy work. I have finally finished the blanket that occasionally shows up in pictures (it was started on our trip to China so it has chronicled our journey into parenthood), and I get to start doing fun stuff again! Here's a little modeling of recently completed projects. I've decided that Jasmine needs to have a collection of hand-made hats so there will be more pictures to follow as hats get made. Tomorrow Jasmine has her CT scan at Kaiser to determine if there is something amiss with her airway. We hope it will show nothing. So, another day of pre-anesthesia diet (no food or milk and clear liquids only), sedation and recovery. UGH. Poor little thing, I hate putting her through all of this.

Winter's arrival

Our bamboo grove, exemplifying the importance of flexibility. If we could learn a simple lesson from these graceful grasses...

Our rural street, unplowed, inviting.
Our beautiful snowy pond, after a glorious snowfall.


Jasmine loved our morning walk, although she looks a little shell-shocked by the end of it. She was still as a mouse as we ventured out into the winter wonderland. The only tracks at the pond were ours.

Evening time, Jasmine found her shoes and insisted on trying to put them on her feet. She screamed in frustration but would not let me help her.

Still working it.

Success! So it's the wrong foot. The shoe is on A foot, that's what counts.

Winter arrived with a vengeance, skipping our normal month of rain and moving right into snow. It was a magical morning as we plodded out to our pond with Zami in tow. All that we heard along the way were the heavy thuds of snow falling off the trees as adjustments were being made to the natural equilibrium of things.

Epilogue...and snow!

Snow falling in the Sierra foothills. We're in the throes of a drought this winter so precipitation was a welcome sight. Jasmine is wearing her special snow outfit that my dear friend Joyce gave to us as a welcome home present in September. When I first saw it, besides falling in love with it, I couldn't imagine 2 things: that it would ever be cold enough again and that Jasmine would ever be big enough to fit into it.

Clearly, she grew right into it. The weather finally cooperated too.

Please notice how clean and untarnished she looks.

2 minutes later, here is a typical view from the backside.

Marching on...
I haven't posted this week for a couple of reasons. It's been a tough week for me emotionally so it was too hard to sit down and write about life. Also, Jasmine has been particularly clingy this week and I'm pretty much worn out at the bookends of my day. I may have left some of you loyal followers hanging regarding Jasmine's night home from the hospital. Did she in fact sleep through the night? YES, she slept straight through from 3 pm to 7 am the next morning. It was very odd to be home at dinner time and not have a baby to feed, bathe and snuggle to sleep. Since her hospital stay, she has been very attached to me and hones in on my every move. If I didn't love her so much and rejoice at being her mom, I may have lost some patience. It's only when I'm cooking (which is quite frequently since it's a particular passion of mine) and she is clinging to my legs as if I'm ready to pack and leave that I struggle a bit. That's when the backpack comes in very handy. Jasmine can hang out in the back pack and watch me cook and putter for a long time. It's a beautiful thing.

We have been scheduled for palate surgery on December 31. Happy New Year! After this last hospital stay we are a little more in touch with what to anticipate from her and from ourselves. It has not been easy but I do feel more prepared. For the first time since we returned from China, I had to sleep in her room this week to help her sleep. This has literally not happened once in over 3 months. I had a glimmer of what it's like for some parents whose kids can't sleep through the night and have night terrors (you know who you are). It was just one night for us and I was pretty worn out. We can only be grateful that by the next night and since, she's been back to her usual self at night. I expect that besides a tough couple of nights in the hospital, I'll be sleeping in her room for awhile, especially with her arm restraints. We are looking forward to this big surgery and recovery process being securely behind us.

A long day and unexpected night

She looks unhappy in this photo but she was really having a great time before she was whisked away. This is Nurse Judi and if all nurses could be like her the world would be a better place.

Showing off her hiney before surgery. The gown lasted about 3 minutes.

Mama, anxiously waiting for Jasmine's surgeon to emerge. Thank goodness for knitting, a universally soothing distraction.

Post-op. Jasmine was a real trooper.

Our exploratory procedure at Shriner's turned into an over night stay. If the surgeon says stay, we stay. She had her ear tubes installed with some difficulty; she has very small ear canals. Apparently she has lots of small things on the inside of her, like her airway as opposed to the outside of her which is big and bold. Her larger than life personality continues to define her in every situation. Today's findings show that her airway is slightly obstructed which has been the likely cause of her coughing and phleghminess (is that a word?). They are not sure what has caused this so our next step is a CT scan. Her surgeon decided to keep her overnight for observation so without any preparation we spent the night at Shriner's. I believe this was a good preparation for the difficult days and nights to come when she has her palate repaired. Jasmine was inconsolable after waking up from anesthesia. She screamed through a round of morphine and Versed before finally calming down. I HATE having all that medication pumped into her. Eventually I insisted that her IV and wires be removed and she calmed right down. Funny, after just 3 months I know my daughter well enough to realize that anything attached to her body drives her mad. She was flinging that IV hand around like a weapon. We were finally discharged around noon today and Jasmine sang and chirped all the way home. She's never been so happy in her carseat as she was today. We don't know what this evening has in store for us as she's been asleep since 3 pm and it's now almost 9:00. I don't think there's any way this child will sleep for 16 hours but I can hope, can't I?

No surgery yet

Heading to the Farmer's market, an all-year affair in California.

A free sample!

Heading out for her first bike ride. Jasmine wasn't so thrilled about wearing her helmet in her chariot, but she didn't really complain.

The REAL reason we splurged on a chariot--we can ride our bikes or go for a run!

Heading out our driveway for our first ride together. Jasmine loved it and went to sleep in no time-the highest compliment a mom could ask for.
Jasmine met with the chief anesthesiologist at Shriner's yesterday. He wanted to examine her prior to Monday's surgery because of her cough. He says there is something abnormal with her trachea and therefore her airway is not 100% clear so no surgery. He isn't sure if this is related to her cleft palate but he thinks it's nothing serious. Nonetheless, she must have clear airways to have surgery so they will still go ahead with a procedure to determine what is causing this problem. She will have to go under anesthesia and they will also insert her ear tubes. It will be an outpatient procedure but a long day nonetheless. Stay tuned for more information about surgery.

Today, with no doctor appointments and a family at home, it was a joyful day for all. Jasmine loves hanging out with both her parents. She is never easier than when we are both home together and she gets to function on her own natural rhythm. It's so rewarding to read her signals correctly, and her ability to communicate with us is stunning (at least to us). She is also a complete show-off and never resists an opportunity to highlight her new skills. She loves to climb on things and we spend much of our day preventing her from falling on her head (with moderate success). She LOVES steps of any kind and will spend as much time as she can get away with climbing whatever she can find. She is so much fun right now.

Wah

Jasmine's new ride-a chariot!

After our morning run, Jasmine decided to play slide-a-step with Baba. What a happy baby to play with in the morning.

A true Daddy's girl.


Jasmine's first official new word is wah, which is Jasmine-talk for walk. This, after mama and baba, is the first word that she has articulated clearly and that has actual meaning. Shane says that I've created a monster and in truth, he's right. Zami is the first monster, demanding her morning outings as soon as there is stirring in the house. Now, I have 2 monsters to deal with. Jasmine now wants to walk (which is code word for anything we do outside that is on the go) within 30 minutes of waking up. This is actually fine with me, since I'm the one who's trained them. I am generally out the door to run shortly after my morning tea.

Jasmine has a chronic cough and we are more and more concerned that this will interfere with surgery next week. Her rule-out diagnosis is asthma, but we've been somewhat skeptical about that, so we delayed using her inhaler to see if it would clear up on its own. Since her surgery was scheduled, we decided to use the inhaler to see if it would help, but we're just not sure if it's improving. Her surgeon suggested a TB test and unfortunately that makes some sense. We will get that done ASAP but in the meantime we are on pins and needles about whether or not her surgery will take place. We are consulting with the anesthesiologist on Friday for a final consult and decision. In the meantime, we have no choice but to prepare for surgery and hope for the best.

Remembering

Is it coincidence that Jasmine has the page opened to Gotcha day pictures?

Jasmine is showing interest in all kinds of new things. In 3 short months, her universe has expanded from a small crib with hard, wooden slats to an exciting world of STUFF. This weekend, sans family, we spent some time at home as a family; no running around doing errands or going to see doctors. Jasmine became very interested in our photo album of China, which has been sitting in plain view on our coffee table. She looked at some pages with keen interest and then spent several minutes carrying the album (a third of her body weight?) back and forth between Mama and Baba, opening it up and showing us pictures. Back and forth she went, making sure we both knew that she REMEMBERS. I am often stunned at the complex ways in which Jasmine communicates with us. She is so expressive and understandable. I have to hold myself to a high standard as well, making sure that I tell her everything that she needs to know, even if my logical mind tells me she couldn't possibly understand. Shane and I both agree that her comprehension is far, far more sophisticated than we will ever really know.

Jasmine is scheduled for surgery on December 8th! We are having her cleft palate repaired at Shriner's and we expect that she may be there for 3 nights. They want her to check it by 1 pm Sunday and think that she may need 2 days for recovery. This is a little longer of a hospital stay than what I've heard others discuss, but we will do what's necessary for her. I'll discuss the surgery in more detail in the coming days. And of course, any parents who have been through this are invited to give us feedback and comments as we prepare ourselves for some unchartered territory ahead.