Profile of a litterer

During our morning runs, we come across a lot of things to see, hear and even sometimes touch. There are countless barking dogs, deer, frogs, squirrels, horses, and of course, the serendipitous meeting of a neighbor as we cruise into home stretch. But the amount of trash on the side of the road is the thorn in my side. We don't live in the big city but rather in a bedroom community in the foothills, yet the reputation of the residents of our little town isn't necessarily endearing. Let's just say there's some back-country-ness in some of our folk up here. The big trucks that sometimes boast confederate flags (and I'm talking flapping in the wind, full-size) makes me a wee bit squeamish (Ok, I'm amending this statement--they make me nauseous ), and the few rude drivers that give me a close shave as I'm pushing the chariot along the rural roads makes my blood boil. Yes, I know there are no sidewalks but this IS a residential neighborhood.

So, back to the original point. I've decided since I am pushing a stroller big enough to carry a 45 pound dog, I might as well do my civic duty along the way. I'm not going to collect all the litter I see; that would turn into an epic day, rather than the 1 1/2 hours that Jasmine can tolerate. But I've decided to collect cans, since we do recycle and Shane gets giddy when he leaves the recycling plant with $40 in his pocket. Here are the 10 things I've discovered about litterers:

1. Litterers drink a lot of beer, mostly domestic. They seem to prefer Bud, Bud light, Bud Ice, Coors and Malt liquors.

2. Litterers obviously drink and drive, but don't really want to get caught. That's why they toss the cans out the window.

3. Litterers typically like the feeling of crushing the can before the toss.

4. Litterers smoke cigarettes. For some reason, certain smokers feel the need to toss their empty packs out the window. NOT an attractive trait for an already unattractive habit.

5. Litterers like to drink redbull and other energy drinks. They also like the feeling of tossing a crushed can out the window.

6. Curiously, litterers like to toss their cans before they turn off to go to the dump. As I approach this particular turn-off, the quantity of cans and litter increases dramatically. I don't believe it's stuff suddenly flying out the back of the truck.

7. Litterers don't care about their environment. They are not littering to keep their cars clean. They are littering because they simply don't care.

8. Litterers eat a lot of fast food. This reinforces my belief referred to in #7.

9. Litterers lack discipline but are also cowards. They don't have the discipline to NOT drink and drive but since they do, they are scared to get caught.

10. Litterers don't live in remote areas because they love nature; they hate rules and don't want to be bothered. They litter their own homes and property as much as they do the rest of the world.