When the thermometer rises

It's finally happened, later than usual this year. Summer has arrived in Northern CA and that means the thermostat hits 100 and stays there. Xiao and I got up early and headed into town with pooch in tow. We decided to go to the dog park for something a little different.
Can I sit down, Mama? Before I had time to answer she was sitting down. Good thing I always carry extra clothes.
More water play--2 days in a row. Actually, she took the hose right out of someone's hand and was subsequently encouraged to continue watering the newly planted trees. The dog park should have nice shade in about 5 years...


It was a hot weekend and we did what we could to stay cool. Jasmine, being from S. China, thrives in the heat. Despite a summer cold she was like the energizer bunny, going non-stop from sunup to sundown. She literally ran circles around us all weekend. This weekend was also the annual Western States 100 miler , which puts our tiny town of Foresthill on the map. Two years ago I paced a friend the final 38 miles from Foresthill to Auburn, and that was enough for me. But these stunning and determined ultra-runners congregate from around the globe in Squaw Valley and almost always encounter the raging heat of the Sierra Nevada canyons, this year being no exception. The canyons boast temperatures of 120 and undeterred, the runners manage to make their way through the mountains, across the American River and into the Placer Hills stadium. We ventured up to town, a mere 4 miles from home, and watched from our chairs in the shade. A couple of times a year, our unremarkable town puts its face on the map, the next time being Tevis cup, when the horses do the same course as the humans just did. Did I mention that they do this in a single day?

All before noon

This morning Jasmine packed her bags and said she was leaving home. With great deliberation she grabbed her purse and luggage, put on her flip-flops, walked out the front door, waved and said bye-bye. Not one to interfere with her right to self-determination, I said bye-bye and that was that. She closed the front door behind her and stood there for about 5 seconds before she asked to come home.
I was able to capture her final wave goodbye before the planned exodus.
Once we got that settled, we proceeded to get some chores done. We all know the general skankiness of an almost 2 year olds highchair. Not pretty. So we took it out to the driveway to give it a good scrub. It's also hot enough to have a little water fun with the hose.
Jasmine insists on being helpful, and I have to admit there are times when she tries my patience. Sometimes I just want to get a chore done but then I remind myself that there will be time enough in our lives when she will have to be asked 3 times to put her shoes away. Why not enjoy this moment when my daughter insists on doing everything that I do? She loves to cook, clean, and put things away. So what's the harm in letting her wash her own highchair?




The final product, Jasmine soaked through and the chair drying in the sun.

Now Jasmine is napping and in this one area I feel pretty inept. Jasmine does not like to nap for me and my own struggles with putting her down have led to avoidance. Rather than dealing with the screaming and heart-wrenching cries, I will take her out for a bike ride or a run and let her sleep that way. It works like a charm, however it does have its repercussions. When I want to be home instead of on the go and she needs a nap, I feel panic. Today was one of those days and I decided that, as her mother, I must be able to put her in her crib for a nap. Well, after 30 minutes of crying and pounding the crib, with 2 valiant efforts to convince her to sleep, I went and got her. I brought her to our bed and laid her on my chest and she was asleep in 30 seconds. I was able to eventually coax her off of me and she continues to sleep in the grown-up bed. I'm not sure who won this battle but I suppose it's like any relationship--we find compromise.

More feats of strength

Jasmine had a play date with her special friend Hannah. At 12 years old, Hannah makes some 16 year olds look young. She has the maturity and wisdom of someone much older and is playful and always full of life and joy. We love spending time with her and her mom.
Add to this combination that Hannah is a very accomplished rock climber and Jasmine is all copy-cat. She had no hesitation in wanting to climb and hang just like Hannah. Don't get our girl near a swing, however. She'll have none of it.
I feel completely at ease when Jasmine is playing with Hannah. Hannah is strong, focused and capable. I love that Jasmine and I both have someone we can look up to. Being a 12 year old girl is not easy but Hannah makes it look just that.



I'm delighted at all the influences and special people that are in Jasmine's life. I know that this circle will continue to expand and soon, Jasmine will be making her own friends. This excites me as well. In the meantime, all the positive strong influences are just fine by me and I am thrilled that Hannah is a part of Jasmine's (and my) life.

Our first Father's day

We headed down to the American River Confluence to spend Father's Day together--it happened to involve some trail running as well, but I assure you that it's what Shane wanted to do. Jasmine rarely complains anymore while strapped into her chariot, even when she's bounced and tossed around as we 4-wheel it for 2 hours. What a trooper. Her reward? Pushing her chariot up the final little climb back to the parked cars.
At first we thought it would last about 2 steps and then we would have to rescue her from the gravitational force of her chariot rolling back onto her.
But no, not our little tomboy. She just dug her heels in deeper and pushed.
Besides showing the determination that J possesses, you can also see the landscape of the Sierra foothills. Dry desert conditions quickly take over when summer arrives and even though we have had ridiculously mild temperatures so far, wildflowers are long gone replaced by tall weeds and dusty trails. In the background is the Foresthill bridge, the 3rd tallest in the country. We drive across this bridge every day to get back and forth to town.
I love Jasmine in her little daisy duke shorts. She has gorgeous legs, strong and muscular but still soft and baby-like. She almost always has matching skinned knees, which she discusses with us to no end. She never misses an opportunity to get us to kiss her knees, even if the traumatic event occurred 2 days ago. And when she starts to feel sorry for her circumstance, she will whimper and say "knee", eliciting a murmur of sympathy from whomever is nearby. She's clearly got our number.

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Happy Father's day, Shane.

How lucky are we?

Here's my girl with Lynn's girl. One of three of her girls. I consider myself extremely lucky to know Lynn. Without Lynn, we may never have found our daughter in China. I've mentioned her before here on my blog and it's way too infrequent that we get to see each other, but when our kids get together I want to sit down and start working on my next home study. It was Lynn who introduced us to China adoption and her enthusiasm and encouragement was exactly what we needed at the time.

We had a free "party in the park" event in our small town of Auburn and it was all about kids--a rock wall, bouncy houses, water slides and acres of green grass to run around barefoot. It took Jasmine a little while to warm up, but once she did it was Emma whose hand was gripped first.

Here's her crew--all 4 of them--enjoying the glory of summer, snowcones.
Emma and Jasmine, sharing a moment.

And Emma, who is used to being the youngest, gets to be a big sister for the moment.

Jasmine finally decided that going into the bounce house was worth a whirl and once she got in she couldn't stop laughing.




We had such a great time with Lynn and her family, I can't wait until the next time. I love that Jasmine gets to be around other kids who are just like her and I love to be around Lynn because she makes it all look so easy.

Strawberries mean summer

It's not unusual to catch Jasmine in a smile these days. She seems to have gone through a remarkable growth spurt recently and acts more and more like her own independent person.
She's loving the warmer temperatures, doesn't object to wearing hats and is always willing to share her goodies.

Jasmine's infectious smile and dazzling good looks are a winning combination.  She's as demanding as ever but her playfulness and intrepid pursuit of all things fun make it hard to not appreciate what we have.  With the weight of surgery lifted, my inner dialogue has settled down and I'm not gripped with fear that my days with her are numbered.  It's incredible to be part of her life, to laugh with her and be absorbed by her joyful essence.  I find myself shifting back and forth between parent and playmate and those times when we are laughing at the same thing, or when she looks at me and makes a funny face to see if she can make me laugh, it's less about parenting and more about having a relationship with an incredible human being, and I just happen to be lucky enough to be her parent.

Adjusting to the ordinary

After spending a couple of days in the Bay area, we are settling back into ordinary life. It's strange. We are so immensely grateful that we are back home, that Jasmine is well, that we can move on to focusing on her cleft palate repair. But we have been building up to this surgery for months and despite the fairy tale ending, it's still an adjustment to our mindset and our lives. I spent the last month clearing my work calendar for the next 3 weeks, and I can't really fill it back up easily. Shane has also prepared himself in many ways and was expecting to be home full-time with Jasmine during her recovery. Even when things go much better than planned (and what could be better than this outcome?), we're still having to piece our lives back together and quite frankly, recover from months of fretting and preparing.

We had the good fortune of being invited to our neighbors to spend a few hours eating and lounging. It was not lost on us that we were expecting to be spending the weekend in ICU.

While this picture intimates that Jasmine had a new friend, this is as close as she ever got to this boy.  They had very little interest in each other, except when he stole her ball later in the day.
She was all about her Baba, and inventing a new way of kissing him.


Jasmine has seemed extra happy to me these past few days.  Maybe it's that she's been spending a lot of time with the 2 of us, had a couple of great days with my mom and hasn't been rushed off any where. And maybe this little wise girl knows that some things are better left unspoken but living each day to the fullest just makes sense.  Her hair is long enough to sport bangs and she couldn't be any cuter if she worked all day at it.

A magical day--in the end.

I mentioned already that J didn't feel the need to sleep prior to going to UCSF. We were up all night long with her and it finally started to catch up. Here we are, disembarking on what we thought would be the odyssey of a lifetime.

I know how you feel, little one.  I had already missed 2 nights of sleep, one from worry and stress and the other from ...you know who...and I did not know how I was ever going to catch up, considering what we were facing.
Once J got into the nurses station, she started to liven up.  Nurse Sarah was particularly taken with J and they got to blowing bubbles and playing with toys. Jasmine was nonplussed to what awaited her.
Charming as ever.
And finally, post-procedure.  Jasmine always has a post-anesthesia melt-down followed by fatigue and a refusal to leave my arms under any circumstance. By this time, we already knew that we were heading home.  In fact, after 6 months of trepidation and fear, it took a 1 hour procedure to tell us we could change course.  I honestly don't have words yet to describe this extraordinary turn of events.  Shane and I are still in shock, amazed that we are home, Friday, June 12, the day Jasmine was scheduled for open heart surgery and tracheal reconstruction.  

Here is a true conversation that took place on our drive home:

Mama:  Xiaoxiao, are you happy that we are heading home tonight?

XX:  Yah.

Mama:  Do you realize that you were supposed to spend 2 weeks in the hospital for open heart surgery?

XX:  Yah.

Mama:  Do you realize how lucky we are?

XX: Yah.

Mama:  Did you want to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks?

XX: No.

Ok at this point it felt like a fun game, but when she answered my last question correctly, Shane and I looked at each other in disbelief and took a deep breathe.  Somehow I think our little girl knew that she dodged a big bullet today.

All I know is that I have been preparing for the worst, that the possibility that I would lose Jasmine was ever present.  I was under no illusion that she would pull through her surgery just fine and maybe that is my own character flaw--preparing for the worst.  But I knew that her surgery was a one shot deal--there was no going back to fix something if it didn't work the first time.  I had to play all the scenarios out in my head, I had to be prepared. Ironically, the one situation that I never, ever considered is the one that we are in.  So there you have it, life's way of letting us know who's really in charge and that we're along for the ride.  We better live each moment as if it really counts and always, always have time to stop and smell the roses along the way.

Do you believe in miracles?

Today is Thursday, June 11 and we've had our world rocked this week. Not to say that the last several months have been easy, preparing for Jasmine's surgery, but the amount of support and prayers we've been receiving have made our burden a little bit easier. We knew going into this week that we would need all the help we could get.

Yesterday we arrived at UCSF at 6:45 AM (after a totally sleepless night, BTW--Jasmine stayed up all night long while at my mom's house) for Jasmine's cardiac catherization and broncoscopy. She was not expected to leave the hospital for the next 2 + weeks. We met with her doctors prior to her procedure and discussed her health and growth--phenomenal for her age and background but even more extraordinary for a child with a pulmonary sling. She should be underweight and small, have trouble breathing and exhaust easily. You all know Jasmine well enough to know that she doesn't fit ANY of this criteria. Her pulmonologist was anxious to see the test results to understand why she is doing so well. In fact, before she was anesthetized, he said to us "I wouldn't let any surgeon within 100 miles of her airway". We were a little mystified but curious.

After an hour, he paged us and brought us to his lab. He said "A picture is worth a 1000 words. " He showed us the results of her broncoscopy and explained it like this: Your daughter has a very interesting and unique trachea. It formed differently than other tracheas embryonically, with an extra bronchus and tracheal rings, both anomolies. And she does have a pulmonary sling, too, which is unrelated to these things. But her trachea, despite its oddness, works just fine. It is not compressed by the misguided artery and has generous openings. She gets plenty of air. And then, here's the clincher. He said that tracheal reconstruction is a very risky surgery with variable results (we knew this), and many patients do not recover and die. He had already met with the head cardiothoracic surgeon to review the findings, and both agreed that her surgery was no longer necessary. Barring some catastrophic findings during her cardiac cath, she was most likely going to be discharged.

And that is exactly what happened. We left UCSF 12 hours after checking in, and will not need to return. She may need to have her left pulmonary artery moved to its proper location at some point but that is unlikely. Our little miracle girl, with a pulmonary sling that is generally very difficult to fix, seems to have grown out of her problem all by herself and this just doesn't happen. She has numerous anomolies in her wiring, and most of them are unrelated. But from what we learned yesterday, none of them are life-threatening. Do we believe in prayer and miracles? I have never felt so strongly that this outcome is the result of so many people praying for her and for us. Because no one could have predicted this. It was never given to us as an option that she may not need surgery. And here we are, heading back home with one happy, healthy, strong-willed 2 year old.

Party girl

Jasmine loves a party. Without fail, she manages to entice all ages to bend to her whim. She has children putting her shoes on for her, adults walking her up and down stairs and eating ice cubes from her hand and a mother who tries desperately to keep track of her GPS. My office partner, Marie, got to proudly celebrate her daughter's high school graduation and we went to the party.
Here she is, surrounded by children who were literally fighting over who got to hold her hand and walk her around the house.
Jasmine was dancing and twirling on the driveway while eating ice cubes and enjoying her bare feet.
And finally enjoying a popsicle, which stained her lips and hands blue.  

Everyone who meets Jasmine notices her life force.  She is determined and gregarious, joyful and engaging.  Once her initial hesitation and shyness fade, she boldly reveals her true self and she expects every person she meets to be interested in and taken by her.  Other parents become sympathetic as well as amused, perhaps seeing the effort involved in keeping up with her.  But mostly, it is just smiles and laughter from others as they watch my dervish imp command an audience with her joie de vivre.