The night before surgery

Many well-wishers have called, emailed and messaged us to wish us good luck and a speedy recovery. We VERY MUCH appreciate all the support as we prepare for Jasmine's cleft palate surgery. Jasmine has been in good spirits and good health this past week and has decided to sleep 12-13 hours every night, straight through. Is it possible she is preparing herself in her own intuitive way? Perhaps so, and because of this, I've been able to sleep a little extra too, fortifying me for what I expect will be a tough couple of weeks. Dr. Rubenstein, Jasmine's surgeon, expects that she will stay 1 night in the hospital unless there are complications, so we hope to be home and on the recovery road by mid-week. We know this is a bear of a surgery but after dodging the tracheal-reconstruction bullet, we are only grateful that we are on this path. We will keep you all posted as soon as we are able.

Alpacas and a pool date

Look at the faces on these guys. They are the babies of the herd, just now weaning off of their mommas. We visited this lovely farm as the prelude to our play date with our favorite 12 year old, Hannah. J still doesn't have any play dates with kids her own age but we don't mind. Having a play date with Hannah is the cat's meow.
Apparently, Alpacas aren't always gentle animals, even when being indulged with carrots. So despite their cuteness and eagerness, little people couldn't get on the other side of the fence and needed strict supervision while providing treats. We wanted to maintain a full finger count after our visit.

On to the main event, a swim in the pool on a hundred degree day. Can you believe this little vest used to belong to Hannah? It's certainly a reminder to me just how quickly our little ones become big...



Enjoying a well-deserved popsicle after playing in the pool.

J had her pre-op appointment with her surgeon this week and barring any unexpected illness between now and Tuesday, all signals are green for surgery to proceed. We're trying to preserve normalcy as much as possible between now and then and it's quite easy to do, actually. It's called DENIAL. I am certainly not filled with dread and trepidation like I was in June but that's because there's no reason to believe this surgery is anything but great for Jasmine. We've been so eager to get it done and however difficult her recovery is, it is all worth it for her to be on track developmentally. She is talking so much but her struggle to articulate is somewhat painful, honestly. She knows the words, says the words but can't be understood by anyone but us. 3 more days!

It's been a year

One year ago today, 2 ordinary people went on an extraordinary journey to meet their one year old daughter for the first time. After years of walking through an unpredictable maze, the final destination to become parents was complete and the true adventure of a lifetime began. Their 20 pound, affect-less baby was now embarking on her extraordinary journey to a new country and a new family.

The forces that brought us all together remain a mystery to me but I know with every fiber in my being that Jasmine belongs nowhere else but with us. She is such a perfect fit that I believe I could have birthed her myself. I remember quite vividly telling myself that after she'd been with us for a year, we would be turning a corner for at that point, we could reverse the counting. Now her time in the orphanage is less than her life with us. I longed for this day and it is finally here, much, much quicker than I ever expected and with a tumultuous year behind us. No one, not a single soul, could have adequately told me about the challenges and rewards of parenting, not the years as a therapist helping families with their own messy problems, nor any experiences I've had with my own family, nieces, friends. That's because parenting is personal, a private endeavor that offers its unique challenges to those who chose it. What comes easy for me is a task to someone else. Nothing can prepare an individual for parenting their own child except having a child of one's own. I've learned more about myself becoming a parent than any other adventure so far (although marriage is a fierce competitor)--what I'm attached to, what I don't want to give up, ways that I am selfish and ways that I can give with abandon. What I know is that Jasmine is wholeheartedly attached to us both, loves me unconditionally, accepts most of my shortcomings, demands my full attention, adapts easily to things but loves her routine and has claimed this little house and these ordinary people as her parents. She gets lots of one on one time at home with both of us and loves commanding an audience. She is, in all of her extraordinariness, a perfectly well-adjusted 2 year old. And this is the perfect gift one year later.

Keeping things cool

What have we been up to? To start with, a little bit of dancing when the urge hits.

Last week I was plum worn out. Sometimes that happens when work just catches up to me and my reserves are depleted. I tried to get to bed early and cut out all exercise for a few days to give myself a bit of recovery. And then we had an invitation to dip in the pool next door which was the perfect cap to our low-key weekend.
Here we are, heading back home. Jasmine is multi-tasking, walking the dog, eating a cracker, carrying her book and prancing along. Typical.

We are preparing for palate surgery on September 1 and it's important that none of us are sick or worn out. Jasmine cannot be sick or her surgery will be cancelled. We've been trying to stay close to home and with me a little under the weather, I'm aware that I could be the weak link in our family right now. I'm doing my best to bolster my immune system and make sure Jasmine gets to bed on time, takes long naps, eats a lot and stays healthy. Her days with Shane are the key, as he keeps her on a great schedule and she sleeps for hours during her days with him. He has an innate ability to tune into Jasmine, knowing when she's tired, how much sleep she should get and interpreting her sophisticated and often made-up sign language. I don't know what we would do without him.

A day at the park

A ball, a slide, a swing and a 2 year old. What better way to spend a Sunday afternoon?

Profile of a litterer

During our morning runs, we come across a lot of things to see, hear and even sometimes touch. There are countless barking dogs, deer, frogs, squirrels, horses, and of course, the serendipitous meeting of a neighbor as we cruise into home stretch. But the amount of trash on the side of the road is the thorn in my side. We don't live in the big city but rather in a bedroom community in the foothills, yet the reputation of the residents of our little town isn't necessarily endearing. Let's just say there's some back-country-ness in some of our folk up here. The big trucks that sometimes boast confederate flags (and I'm talking flapping in the wind, full-size) makes me a wee bit squeamish (Ok, I'm amending this statement--they make me nauseous ), and the few rude drivers that give me a close shave as I'm pushing the chariot along the rural roads makes my blood boil. Yes, I know there are no sidewalks but this IS a residential neighborhood.

So, back to the original point. I've decided since I am pushing a stroller big enough to carry a 45 pound dog, I might as well do my civic duty along the way. I'm not going to collect all the litter I see; that would turn into an epic day, rather than the 1 1/2 hours that Jasmine can tolerate. But I've decided to collect cans, since we do recycle and Shane gets giddy when he leaves the recycling plant with $40 in his pocket. Here are the 10 things I've discovered about litterers:

1. Litterers drink a lot of beer, mostly domestic. They seem to prefer Bud, Bud light, Bud Ice, Coors and Malt liquors.

2. Litterers obviously drink and drive, but don't really want to get caught. That's why they toss the cans out the window.

3. Litterers typically like the feeling of crushing the can before the toss.

4. Litterers smoke cigarettes. For some reason, certain smokers feel the need to toss their empty packs out the window. NOT an attractive trait for an already unattractive habit.

5. Litterers like to drink redbull and other energy drinks. They also like the feeling of tossing a crushed can out the window.

6. Curiously, litterers like to toss their cans before they turn off to go to the dump. As I approach this particular turn-off, the quantity of cans and litter increases dramatically. I don't believe it's stuff suddenly flying out the back of the truck.

7. Litterers don't care about their environment. They are not littering to keep their cars clean. They are littering because they simply don't care.

8. Litterers eat a lot of fast food. This reinforces my belief referred to in #7.

9. Litterers lack discipline but are also cowards. They don't have the discipline to NOT drink and drive but since they do, they are scared to get caught.

10. Litterers don't live in remote areas because they love nature; they hate rules and don't want to be bothered. They litter their own homes and property as much as they do the rest of the world.

Jasmine as hostess

Alex paid Jasmine a visit, bearing gifts of course. We've chosen not to keep the singing birthday card out in plain view to preserve what little sanity we have left, despite the fact that the princess loves it. Jasmine is also wearing her new red backpack with Max cinched in tight.

Gone are the days when I can put her in the backpack for our morning walks. I can't believe how quickly these things pass--yes, it was less than a year ago that she was in the baby bjorn, then 2 backpacks later I can no longer enjoy the intimacy of carrying her close. Soon, I will no longer be able to run with her in her chariot for she will just be too plain heavy to push up and down the steep hills of our foothill region. Having never experienced first hand the wild and extraordinary growth of one's child, it is chilling how quickly routines come and go. Yes, my yoga practice taught me flexibility in body and mind, all to prepare for this unpredictable journey of motherhood, where flexibility has become the most essential ingredient to my well-being. Let's just say that the struggle that I had when I first began yoga over 10 years ago pales in comparison to what is required of me now.

For Joyce

My long-time friend, Joyce, delivered a lovely package to my office for a certain recently-turned 2 year old and we couldn't have been more delighted. Brightly colored paper with ribbons and glitters--even I was excited about it.
After much fanfare, the box emerged. The contents of the box did not take center stage immediately...
First, we must explore all the possible uses, like whether or not it can hold up to 28 pounds,
or tolerate yoga poses,
or even the possibility that someone will help ride it around the deck. The constellation-nightlight turtle is a very cool gift, and I have to admit, it has been lit up in the grown-ups bedroom in order to break it in.

Sunglasses

Our birthday girl

One year ago today,we received pictures of our daughter turning one. We stared at these pictures for hours, knowing that in a few short weeks we would meet our daughter for the first time and bring her home. We look at these pictures now with a mixture of disbelief, elation and melancholy. It will always be hard to know that her first year of life was lived without parents to hold her close, rock her to sleep and watch with delight as she smiled for the first time.

BUT, I am not interested in giving too much thought to all of that because here we have none other than the birthday girl herself, showering us with smiles and laughter and utter delightfulness.


Jasmine decided that on her 2nd birthday she would actually try out the swing and enjoy it! Up until this point our feeble attempts at swinging have been met with discomfort and cries for rescue. Happy Birthday, Xiaoxiao!

An adult adoptee shares her story

Xiao and I were at the dog park this weekend and serendipitously ran into a group of kids from a daycare. They were there to run with the dogs and apparently to socialize (some were special need kids, it appeared). As usual, Xiao causes people to look and inquire and in this case, the day care provider discreetly asked where she was from. I am not at the point where this question offends me, although I know there will be many annoyances in our future. However, she had a reason for asking. One of her staff was adopted from Korea and lo and behold, she was standing close by. We were introduced and she admired Xiaoxiao and pointed out her own 3 year old son playing close by. Funny, I noticed him already, a beautiful Asian boy running joyfully among the children. We began our own conversation, and she told me about her life experience. As a 21 year old, she is beginning to get some perspective but her life as an adopted child has not been easy. In fact, her boyfriend's parents continue to refer to her parents as "foster" parents. She has fielded many intrusive questions during her life which confirmed for her that she was not like everyone else. She has been back to Korea and has visited the orphanage where she spent the first 6 months of her life. She even, astonishingly, has access to her birth records and could track down her birth mother if she so chooses. But she suffers with this decision, and nurses her frequent pain regarding her life. She talked about the surprising and affirming experience of finally having another human being that resembles her in appearance. She had a difficult adolescence and became a mother quite young. She loves her parents and her brothers (biological sons) but has lived with an emptiness and a disquietude for most of her conscious life.

I was deeply touched and affected by this young woman's story. As I think about my own sweet girl's future, I want desperately to protect her from this feeling but I know that I can't. I knew what I was signing up for but what I didn't expect was the profound sadness that now lives inside me when I think about Jasmine searching for answers to her own future questions. I can only hope that I will be equipped to sit with her pain, find adequate answers to her questions and provide the comfort and safety that she so deserves.

Unbridled joy

Twas a hot summer's day and no relief in sight, until the lil squirt pool showed up from UPS. It was useless trying to keep a diaper on this child--the clothes were off in an instant. Look at that face! Since we have no lawn, the driveway had to make do.

If the shoe fits...

and right now she fits. In case you get the wrong impression, this brief period of rest did not last but a mere 30 seconds but it sure looks good. She has been finding interesting spots in which to curl up recently, like a little cat in a box. She always asks for her blankie but an actual nap? Oh, please.


On a more serious note, we are preparing for palate surgery September 1. We pray for Jasmine's good health so there will be no more delays. I've also been following a blog where there was a terrible tragedy involving a child and a driveway. Fill in the blanks. I don't know the details, but what I do know is that every day I am reminded about how exquisitely precious and fragile life can be. I wish we wouldn't suffer the small stuff, the inconsequential minutiae that bogs us down emotionally. Relationships are what count and while they bring great challenges, without them life would be empty and meaningless. We've had losses on this end recently too, not a child, but a talented athlete in the prime of his 45 year old life, wiped away by leukemia. Why is it so hard to make every day count? I pray for my own ability to be mindful and grateful each and every day.

Happy Birthday, Dad

Jasmine got an extra special surprise today with a visit from her grandparents. August has turned out to be the birthday month in my family and the kick-off was today with my dad. Dad and Grandma Marj trekked over to our house where we shared a lunch of chilled cantaloupe soup, Greek quinoa salad, beets, mango and roasted walnut salad , eggplant casserole and for dessert, plum galette. I don't get a chance to entertain much, but since dad and I are both foodies, I like to try and create some new and interesting concoctions. We also enjoyed hours of 2 year old entertainment.
Since Jasmine's birthday is next week she got her own opportunity to enjoy new gifts. We always appreciate a new book or 2.
Jasmine had no problem entertaining her grandparents and they, in turn, had no problem getting down on her level. There was plenty of singing and dancing to go around.
I love the look of concentration that emerges on Jasmine's face and I also am intrigued at the way in which we all can access that part of ourselves that can sit on the floor and stack blocks, or color with crayons, or make stuffed animals and puppets talk. Children bring out the best in us, the hidden parts of our psyche that still knows how to play, laugh, improvise and connect. Jasmine is bold and insistent and will take you by the hand and pull you to the ground, not just to play with her but to engage and connect. I can't believe that she will be 2 years old next week. While in so many ways she seems like a toddler, to me she seems more like a little ageless person who has an astonishing ability to communicate her thoughts and needs and frustrations and delights.